Well here i am with my head all a spin.
After many months of health issues ive discovered or more it was the Doctor that discovered and then very kindly informed me that i have 1 Large and 3 small tumors that have taken up residence in my uterus.
So sometime over the next 3 weeks i am to receive a letter from the hospital with a surgery date. Im a priority 1 so he told me. You cant get any more urgent then a 1. Of all the things i ever wanted to be priority 1 for...surgery most certainly wasnt on my list.
If they discover i have cancer they will wake me from surgery and discuss my options with me and then will do the surgery the following day. If no cancer is detected then they will remove the tumors and all will be well.
So here i am dealing with all this news and trying hard not to panic over the fact i have to have surgery and everyone around me is acting like im in some really bad movie.
My mother keeps telling me not to panic which is making me start to panic.
My man is struggling with back issues and is in a lot of pain so hes kinda caught up in that. I understand that being in pain is no fun but it makes me feel like i cant over load him with any of my emotions on whats going on with me because hes too busy with whats going on with him.
Then there is the crazy world of online friends that really has me wondering about some people. A weird war has broken out over a website where you vote for your favorite actor, singer, etc. So a singer friend of mine registered herself and she voted for herself and i voted for her, etc. Then we find that someone else we know whos also a singer is registered. But hey so are loads of other people. But the the war began over votes and whos voting for who, etc. Its so like kindergarten or worse.
Then a war with others over he said shes said stuff thats so childish.
Through all this childish stuff im thinking "Ok...what if...what if the worst was to happen and i have cancer?...what then?" I keep telling everyone that all this stuff is small and silly and im going into hospital soon and i just want calm but oddly no one hears me or they simply dont care because they think the battle over who said what and who voted for who is such a big deal that its worth fighting for.
Its odd.. I dont want people fussing and treating me as if i might die at any minute but its so amazing that no one other then my Mother seems to really care too much.
I guess that statements not fair...I know my man cares but he cant stay calm over other things and focus on me. Everything else in his life is bigger and gets more attention.
Guess im really starting to feel sorry for myself ha? But hey...if i cant pay attention to me then i can assure you that no one else will.
